Insanity Abounds

Full Moon wo Sagashite I am scared.

Why?

Because I did something really crazy.

Momentary insanity, I tell you.

I don’t know what I was thinking. I keep wanting to bang my head on the wall or run around in my building screaming my head off. I can only hide in the excuse of ‘momentary insanity’ and the excessive ‘trigger-clicking’ on my mouse that led to this. There is no other excuse. I will have to find a rehabiliation center that specializes in treating nutcases like me. So if you don’t see an update here for a few weeks, you know where I am.

*cough*

Ok, now that my alter ego has had her say, I’d like to look at this more objectively (did I just say more? *cough*)

When Jasmine first told me about the awards, I thought “Oh, it’s that time again, isn’t it?” and then moved on to the next subject. Then when she told me she was going to nominate her blog for it, well, I said it was a nice idea. Even when she said that I should enter my blog too, I agreed. I filled out the form, submitted, and paid.

But there’s nothing like seeing your own URL in a major award-giving site for all Filipinos (and even non-Filipinos) worldwide to see to bring you back to earth. Now that’s scary.

“What were you thinking? What are you, insane? You know you have no chance of winning so why did you do it? Are you a glutton for punishment?” were just some of the things that kept going through my mind as I start at those letters on the screen.

I’ve never been one to put myself ‘out there’ so to speak. I would rather keep to myself and enjoy quiet moments.

So to realize that I have put myself at the mercy of everyone who can rip and nitpick everything that I now do on the web, well, at best, it is very unnerving; at worst, it makes me want to disappear until everything is over.

What do I do now then? Do what I always do; what I’ve always done, and hope I can safely cross the turbulent waters.

Oh, well. Que sera, sera.

August 30th, 2006 |